Principled Negotiation and Example
The outcome of the negotiation process is usually much influenced by the attitude, knowledge, personality and the interpersonal skills of the parties influenced. The negotiators should be flexible enough and avoid being more inclined to their own side (Hocker and Wilmot 258). As much as one is to practice assertiveness, they should be empathetic to the other party. Secondly, negotiation aims at ensuring mutual benefits, fairness and keeping the initial relationship (Hocker and Wilmot 259). The main goal of negotiation is to revive the broken rapport and understanding between the two parties before the conflict. The parties should be considerate to ensure that justice is done for one another.
No matter how strategically we will attempt to resolve a conflict, the fact that one party feels that he/she is right and the other one is wrong will still be expressed. Although this might not be clearly be exhibited, one party may opt to keep quiet about it in order to solve the battle. It is tough to gain a full understanding of one another and hence not all will be addressed.
If the other party in the negotiation starts venting, I will just allow them to vent out their frustrations. I will offer a good listening ear. After this, I will make the other people feel comfortable by assuring that I care. Reacting in a similar manner would be unwise as this will prolong the conflict. In a negotiation, the use of I – statements is more effective than You-messages. The use of you indirectly implicates that one is laying blames on the other party.
The word choice in the negotiation process determines whether it will be successful or not (Hocker and Wilmot 262). More inclusive words and phrases should be used. Courtesy should also be observed. In my case, I will use phrases such as: ‘We will need to’ and ‘We see the need to act sooner.’
Negotiation requires that the involved parties to listen actively to one another. This helps to avoid misunderstandings leading to more hasty solutions (Hocker and Wilmot 263). Listening also helps identify the facts in a case and the party’s suggestions. Through active listening, the parties easily understand the implied meaning.
My main wish in the negotiation process is that we create a mutual understanding between one another and continue being friends. I think that the other party has a similar wish. Conflicts are universal occurrences and as human beings, we ought not to let them separate us. If this happens, will be completely unable to establish stable relationships with one another.
I feel that my friend is offended and her goal is to terminate our friendship. She is so upset and would not want to keep my company due to the previous encounter. I am also sure that my friend aims to earn an apology from me due to the embarrassing moment that I made her undergo.
My topmost goal in this negotiation is to revive the past relationship with my friend. I am willing to do anything just to see this happen. My second goal is to earn back the trust that my friend has always had on me. Forgiveness is not enough in this case as she might forgive me but chose not to be as close as before. Being hard on the problems and soft on the person means that if one has to exhibit any anger, it should be directed to the problems but not the other party. The focus should be on eradicating the problems and keeping peace with the other party.
In a typical negotiation, the people are always set to have different goals. Although all the goals might not be met the negotiators should reach a point of agreement. In order to balance all the goals and ensure that they are all met, I will put them aside and state both their advantages and disadvantages. I am sure that we will all settle for the most favorable one. By so doing all our goals will have been met.
The two major solutions to this issue are either to terminate our friendship or keep it. The solutions are based on the views of the two involved parties. Ideally, terminating our friendship may have some value to my friend. She will be grave sure that she will never encounter a similar problem due to my presence. Restoring our friendship will mean that we will continue sharing in the funny moments together. This will help us grow in the company of one another and continue building one another.
If my friend agrees to my request, it will be a great favor. Her move will make me treasure her even more. It will be a great chance given, and I will try my level best never to hurt her again. I will also get relieved for I have been worried for quite some long time.
The question surrounding our negotiation is reasonable and very worth to our future lives. It is possible and will help in enhancing our trust and relationship. Solving this issue will determine how true we have been to one another.
A win – to win situation is all that a negotiation seeks. In my case, a win- to –win situation will be established by meeting the best goals. I believe that she owes me an apology. Similarly, I owe her friendship. I think the best thing for us will be that I apologize to her, accept my apology and then consider reviving our friendship.
Example of Interpersonal Conflict
In a recent incident, I and my friend (I’ll call her Sarah) were involved in a misunderstanding following an embarrassing incident. This encounter really made her feel bad, and since then she ceased talking to me, and every time I met her, she avoided me. I felt that I made her feel bad although it was not my fault that she underwent the embarrassment. I had been taking courage to approach her and explain that I was innocent but this had not worked yet. A few days ago, I approached her fried and sought her assistance in order to make up this. I though the best way that we could resolve the matter was through negotiation. I, therefore, asked her friend to seek her consent on this matter and she, fortunately, accepted my request.
A few days after we had reopened our college, I invited Sarah to a friend’s birthday party. She accepted the offer though hesitantly. When I questioned her, she claimed that she was not interested since she was from a different racial background. I did not think this would be a great deal since we had always associated despite our differences and all had seemed fine. On the planned day we met and headed to the destination. We were a bit late to the party and found everyone already settled. I had asked my friend who was hosting the birthday whether I could bring a friend along and she had gladly accepted. Things, however, turned unpleasant immediately we arrived. Everyone looked at Sarah with shocks all over their faces murmuring. I became worried and asked what the matter was. The other friends did not hesitate to provide an answer and what Sarah had deemed was now happening in reality. Everyone was asking me how I could befriend such a person and go ahead to bring her to the party. For me, this was not unusual as I had no dislike for the other races. Sarah busted into tears and went away without a word. I had attempted to follow her, but my friends denied me claiming that she did not deserve to be there.
Since the incident, I had been battling with my mind on how I would face Sarah and apologize for being a bad friend. At the same time, I had felt that I did not owe her any apology since she had decided to stay away from me. I felt that this was offensive as well a good proof of how she did not care about our friendship. Now that the two of us through a friend had resolved to meet and negotiate, I felt a bit relieved. However, I was uncertain about the fate of our relationship as Sarah had always stayed away from me since the day of the incident.
On the set day, we were to meet at a quiet place and see how we could resolve the matter. I was obviously the first one to arrive at the venue since I was the one who was wrong. Sarah was to come much later wearing a sad face to show me how evil I was. She came ten minutes later though not in the mood I had expected. She was a bit calm and settled. We exchanged greetings and then went dumb. I was the one to initiate the conversation since I was the one who had called for the meeting. ‘Sarah, we will need to put aside our differences and restore our friendship,’ I had started. It was so unfortunate that I had to chair the meeting to myself and Sarah was not interested in whatever I was saying. ‘From what has been happening since we parted ways, it will be necessary to act sooner,’ I continued. There was no response still. I think she was just being extremely grandiose following the turnout of events.
When I had talked enough to myself, I faced her and directly told her that it was her turn. It was at this point that I would see her true colours. She was very frustrated and started venting. I think I must have been so patient to listen to all the shit that he was hurling at me. I listened carefully without interruption. After a few moments, she was calm again, and I thought it was the best time to tell my endeavors. I had already implied to Sarah that I wanted her back as my friend something which she had proved reluctant to. She had already mentioned that an apology was not just enough for what I had made her undergo. I explained that she was right in her claims but also made her understand that I did not intend such a mistake to happen. I severally promised that it could not happen again and Sarah seemed much relieved now.
My top goals in the negotiation were to get back to Sarah and gain her trust back. I showed lots of regrets about what had happened. The main aim left was to meet my main goal without necessarily hinting to Sarah that her goals were not worth. I explained to her how much we had achieved together and the much we stood to lose in separation. She nodded to my words and seemed to be reading my mind on what I was to say. I now gave her the chance to state her stand, and I was sure that she could definitely fulfill my goal. At the mention that she wanted us to stay friends, I was so delighted and could hardly conceal my happiness. I hugged her passionately making all sorts of promises. We had all won. I had apologized to Sarah, and in return, she had agreed to keep our friendship. I perceived this as a win-to-win situation as no was to lose anything. Our goals had been mutually met, and our past status had been restored.Negotiation is undoubtedly a complex endeavor. In this situation, one not only deals with the parties’ ideologies but rather their underlying feelings and needs. In the case of a principled negotiation, the parties must demonstrate care towards one another and their future relationship. Both parties have to be considerate and open-minded by one another. This perhaps the best approach to solving intimate interpersonal issues. A principled negotiation will aid the parties to create understanding between one another without involving prolonged processes. It does not seek to identify who is right or wrong but on creating a mutual ground where everyone will stand to benefit.